Confessions

HOW I BETRAYED MY BEST FRIEND

I am Fafali, I was born with a silver spoon already in my mouth and didn’t have to do much growing up. Went to the best of schools and graduated as one of the best in my class. After I graduated from university, my parents started pestering me to get married. Unfortunately, the only man friend I had a crush on and fancied decided to propose to my best friend instead. I was very hurt but as a good friend I decided to support her. It wasn’t easy because she knew how I felt for this man and still went ahead to accept his marriage proposal. Even though I have everything in terms of the basic needs in life, my best friend tends to get most of the things I yearn for. she has the kind of body I wish I had; she has the kind of face I would kill to have; she is very charismatic and is loved by a lot of people. Getting the man, I wanted was the breaking point. it hurt me more than any pain I have ever experienced.

They got married that December and I was one of the bridesmaids, the chief bridesmaid actually. During the preparations of the wedding, I had a moment of weakness and slept with her man, which led to me falling pregnant. The guy tried to get me to abort but I refused because I do not believe in killing innocent souls. I gave birth the next year in September, 3 years ago. My best friend is the one who organized a baby shower. She doesn’t know that my baby is her stepchild. My problem is guilt is eating me alive. I swore to my baby daddy that his wife will never know but seeing her so supportive and sisterly to me is breaking my heart. She confides in me about everything, including her family’s finances and future plans. She trusts me so much that it makes me feel very terrible about what I’m doing to her, but I deserve the man more than her.

One time, she had an altercation with our husband in which they said some very awful things to each other. “Our” husband felt bad about the whole incident and tried to apologize to her, she came to tell me about the incident, and I advised her not to allow herself to be disrespected by him and that she should be strong and fight him back. Our husband came by my place later that week and also told me about the incident, I told him that his wife came to tell me what happened and was very critical of him. This action caused a lot of friction between them and put them further apart, which brought the man closer to me. I have regretted quite a bit, but I still want the man for me. I don’t know if I can keep this secret any longer.

But then again, a year ago, she was informed that her teenage abortion could have damaged her womb and childbearing might be a challenge. I have been consoling them both since. Playing my game right.

Her husband, my crush has been coming over, and we have been having moments of weakness, when the boy goes to bed. I don’t want to live the rest of my life being his side piece as he requested, saying for the sake of the child he doesn’t want to lose me or allow another man take care of his child, which frankly he has been doing so well.

My friend is weak, and I know she will hit a mental breakdown if she finds out. I don’t know how to handle this. Please advise me. What will you do in my shoes. You don’t have to remind me that I’m a bad friend, I know that already. I just want you to help me to get out of this guilt. Leave judging to God because no one is perfect.

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