Five years ago, I left my wife of 12 years and 4 kids behind in Ghana in search of greener pastures abroad. The duty of looking after the family; feeding the kids and paying the rent etc fell upon my wife. We took all of that into account and decided that she moved into my family house with the kids.

The family house sheltered my mother, 2 brothers and their wives alongside my younger sister and now my wife and kids. I call it my house because when my father died, my mum made me complete the house thus it’s my property and in my name.

I had several complains about my wife and the kids until I couldn’t take it any longer and decided to come back home and see things for myself. I visited my elder brother who lived in kumasi upon my return and shared all the complains with him. He assured me it was all lies because he had investigated everything before my arrival and realized it was just pure hatred. He told me it’s because my siblings assumed I was sending my wife money and they were just speaking out of jealousy but I doubted my brother and decided to take matters into my own hands.

Fast forward I suddenly developed some form of hatred for my wife and everything about her irritated me to the extent that I stopped communicating with her. When she informed me that she was pregnant, I even doubted if it was mine for no reason and totally ignored her. Instead of sorting things out with my pregnant wife, I was busy flirting with other women. I never for ones even asked her, how her Antenatal visit went or what the doctors had said but she always updated me through text, which I read and never replied. Her messages even irritated me, why can’t she tell me herself. I found all the excuses to keep hating her for no concrete reason.

My Wife never went out without sending me messages about her whereabouts.

She never starved me when I came home. She cooked and served me with her own money. She cooked 3 meals for me  every day and my clothes were washed till I left but I wasn’t satisfied. Nothing about her tickled me.

The day I was leaving I couldn’t even give my pregnant wife a hug because of anger after she packed my things for me.

she stood and watched me leave early to the airport to do my check- ins and I knew she was disappointed but kept quiet.

One thing I know about our marriage is, we never had a strong communication background and so we struggled to sit and really talk. Therefore, when the problems started it just escalated very quickly. I never sat my wife down to talk to her throughout my three months visit and she stayed calm and did everything as a good wife.

If only I had known that was the last time I was going to see my wife I doubt I would have left without a proper good bye.

30 mins before my flight my sister called to inform me that my wife has been rushed to the hospital. For what reason I enquired and she said she didn’t know as it is none of her business.

I thought it was one of those things so I proceeded and left the country. What was more painful, my eldest child texted me to inform me and I told her the mother will be fine. After all she had done I still didn’t even leave money for their upkeep as I had wasted most of my money on other women.

When I got to my destination and put on my WiFi, the messages on my phone wouldn’t stop.

I opened the one from my sister first only to read, “your wife is dead ooo”. What the hell. To read that she died of high blood pressure among other things made me realize how much my silence and attitude affected her.

I wish I can see her and just say sorry to her.

I married my wife a virgin. Throughout our years together she was a good woman so why did I side with my family against the one woman who is effortlessly shouldering  all my duties without complaining.

My fellow men, no matter the marital problem, if you are not willing to let go, please

Sit your wife down, talk to her and settle it. You wouldn’t want someone to treat your daughter like that so why treat another that way.

Comfort, I am so sorry.

Please forgive me as I have wronged you.

I don’t know what came over me

Find a place in your heart to forgive me.

Who will take care of our kids at this time

Oh Comfort.

I feel very guilty for not being there for my wife when she needed me the most because I took sides with my family without even giving her the benefit of the doubt.

-ERNEST.

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