Growing up a as a twin, I always battled with inadequacy. My twin brother was always preferred to me. My name is Sedem but everyone now calls me Sedinam, which happens to be the name of my twin brother. You might be wondering why. Well, that’s because of what I am about to disclose today.

I have always loved my twin brother even though our parents compare us a lot. I’ve got to be honest, Sedinam was better than me at almost everything. He was better academically; he was a better athlete and the most important to my parents was that he was the well behaved one amongst us, but I was the smooth talker when it came to the ladies, not that it matters. Dude was a daredevil. But he knew how to hide his vices perfectly.          

We were about 14 years old when Sedinam got a very dangerous but ingenious and fun idea – to switch personalities as and when and that included names, cloths, mannerisms etc. This idea scared yet still excited the hell out of me at the same time. It took us weeks to perfect the plan of being each other, it had to be a perfect job with no mistakes whatsoever.

The plan went on perfectly for close to 11 months, the intention wasn’t to do it for that long but we ended up enjoying it; I was enjoying being the favorite child and Sedinam was having the time of his life being the rebel leader. So, we decided to keep at it until we got tired of being each other. Just at that moment misfortune decided to visit us. It happened on a rainy day on which local authorities asked for everyone to stay indoors. Sedinam and I defied the directive and went out to play in the rain, which was a very terrible idea. Everywhere was flooded and you could hardly see anything. We ventured into the waters and splashed around playfully. Sedinam looked like he was enjoying himself tremendously, he played and jumped around vociferously till he suddenly plunged into a deep pool of water. My heart jumped suddenly but I suspected he was trying to prank me. The water was still for a while until I saw his limp body come up from the water. There was a huge cut on his head which bled profusely. I let out a blood curdling cry. Our parents rushed out and run towards us. My mom cried hysterically as she run. To be honest I was surprised for a while when I saw my mom cry. She was crying knowing I was the one who had gotten hurt. I didn’t think she would ever cry because of me considering how she always condemned me. They carried Sedinam, who they thought was me and quickly rushed him to the hospital. He didn’t survive. He died before they could get him into the emergency ward. It hit me to the core. I was so devastated. Aside from the fact that I had lost my twin brother whom I love so much in a freak accident, I didn’t know how I was going to deal with the fact that ‘I’ Sedem had died and that I was supposed to live as my twin brother Sedinam forever. That is the point I knew I had fucked up.

Life as Sedinam since then has been dreadful. But being treated as my twin brother was quite enjoyable. This little idiot was really going to enjoy if I were the one who really died. I heard some of the most heartbreaking things about myself in the years that followed. I heard my mom tell my dad one time that even though it is appalling that they have lost a child, she thanks God it was me (Sedem) instead of Sedinam. She would die of grief if she had lost Sedinam. Am I such a terrible child? The most profound incident was when I mistakenly broke a ceramic plate which apparently was an extremely expensive piece of kitchenware. She smacked me at the back of my head and asked if Sedem’s (me) spirit had possessed me, because this was something she expected from Sedem. I couldn’t believe it; my parents actually hated me. Aside all that, I was killing myself trying to match the standards of Sedinam. I had to learn three times harder to keep up with his academic prowess, I had to train five times harder to keep up with his athletic prowess and keeping up with Sedem’s relationships with friends, teachers and enemies was quite an uphill battle. I was doing all when we were pretending to be each other but the stakes had gotten higher. It was no longer fun and games. But all these things didn’t measure up to the last thing that shook me to the core and challenged my resolve.

It was a very sunny Sunday afternoon. We had gotten back from church not long ago and were just preparing for our usual family kenkey get together after church. We heard a knock at the door and I quickly run to the door to answer it, this is something I wouldn’t have done if I was still Sedem by the way. That was Sedinam’s hallmark. It was our family doctor at the door, it was very strange seeing him at our house without alerting us prior to coming over. And he usually saved heavy issues for “in person” meetings. I welcomed him in and led him to the sitting room and headed for my room while he and my parents shared pleasantries. “Oh, Sedinam you can stay. This meeting concerns you very much”, the doctor said. He insisted when my parents disagreed with his position with the reason that I was too young to be in a meeting with adults. The doctor insisted that I stay. So, I stayed.

According to the doctor, I am suffering from a bad condition, thinking I was Sedinam. Apparently, he noticed it when I was an infant, he didn’t report it to my parents because it was rare in infants, and it mostly cleared up on its own without any treatment. He hoped I was going to grow out of it and thought it would be unnecessary to give us such information because it would scare us unwarrantedly. In our recent routine family checkup before Sedem died, he found out that contrary to his initial calculation, the gallstones had actually grown bigger and had become life threatening. Now a surgery had become paramount as I was definitely going to die if something was not done. As if that wasn’t enough, the surgery on its own was a life threatening one. It has been ranked worldwide as one of the most dangerous medical procedures. My heart made a double backflip in my heart. What?!!! I was going to probably die because of a surgery to treat a disease I don’t actually have because I stupidly decided to live as my twin brother.
In case your comprehension is a bit slow, let me explain this so you can better understand it. My dead brother Sedinam is the one the doctor was talking about. I am Sedem, who is stuck with the personality of my twin brother Sedinam. And now I have to go through surgery for a disease I don’t have. No. no no no no no no no! I can’t die for nothing. I must save myself. There is only one way I can save myself. Spilling the beans about what Sedinam and I did. To actually tell my parents that their favorite – well behaved and sick son was the one they buried. And their irresponsible and silly son was the one standing in front them. That over the years i have strived to become the best of myself for their sake. But I also know that is going to cause a lot of havoc and mayhem.

Do I risk my life by continuing to act as my brother? Or do I save my life by revealing everything and causing the mayhem and generating more hate for myself?


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