Five years ago, I met the man of my dreams in a night club where my best friend was having her birthday party. We hit it off right after. I was drunk and allowed him to have his way with me that night. I regretted the next morning, but he treated me like a queen, professing his undying love for me, we dated for a year and got married after.
I must say, with confidence that I lacked nothing. He is a very influential businessman. He later convinced me to stop my secretarial job so I can take care of the kids while putting me on a salary. Twice every year I was entitled to a vacation location of my choice. I was the envy of most of my friends.
I soon realized that my husband would disappear for a week or half month without telling me where he went. He will get angry when I complain saying he is working hard for my own comfort. At one point, I wanted to move back to my parents, but they themselves didn’t approve, mainly because he will spoil them with gifts whenever he is back. After so many confrontations, he later promised that he would call whenever he could. I felt so lonely and cheated on but without evidence.
Years on, I got fed up as I became emotionally detached from him. Our kids will beg to have him at their birthday parties to no avail but as usual, he will come back bearing gifts and they will all forget how he made them feel. He will go on a 10 days’ vacation with all of us and then I in particular will be back to my misery, trying to manage both the kids and the home….alone!
One afternoon, I had a call to report to the police station as my husband has been arrested. Like how………what did he do? I drove on top speed and as the police communicated his offence, I couldn’t hold back my emotions and tears.
A lady, Natasha had reported being raped in her apartment by a man who had bound and gagged her. She had gone clubbing with her friends and had gone home with him after. It was after she came back from the bathroom that the man tied her up and raped her. he left her tied up till the neighbor found her the next morning. She reported to the police and that was when they noticed a trend over the years and decided to investigate.
Over 20 ladies came out testifying to being raped the same way and identified him when he was brought in……..my Husband ??. I had not paid attention to either social media or the newspaper so had no idea the case of the rapist had been trending. That was when it clicked. Our first night together after the club he requested to tie me up. I understand BDSM very well and so I didn’t find any problem when he asked gently but over the years, we have had normal sex and he didn’t give me any clue that was the main thing he fancied or yearned.
Upon crying for some time for him to tell me the truth, he admitted privately to me that, he actually did molest those ladies. he talked about how he watched his dad do that to countless ladies and though he knows it is wrong he just couldn’t resist doing same. he spoke about the days he vanished and how he knew he was hurting me and thus kept his silence.
I left the police station confused and for days I don’t know what to tell the kids.
Now I don’t know if to stand by him and bear all the disgrace or file for divorce. How do I protect the children from this disgrace? What should I do???
KINDLY SHARE YOUR ADVICE IN THE COMMENT SECTION……HELP!!!
David owusu Ansah
File a divorce and go your way. You can’t come and kill yourself
Judy Agbeli
hahahahhhaa,i cant stop laughing
Kafui Kumah
Well, I will say, for the sake of the kids and the fact that he is your husband, kindly cover him up. You are literally one now and have brighter future ahead. Just get good lawyers ! Cheers!
Judy Agbeli
hhmmm. life and marriage. thanks for the advice. wont be easy
LEO
In circumstances like these, you should know he will go to jail for a very long time.
You’ll have to bare the pain and disgrace by yourself but note that you can’t let the kids know.
Should you tell the kids, then it’s because of society so you prep them on how to take it or react to it.
I am sad ?
Sorry for the pain caused.
Judy Agbeli
hhmmm. thanks
Freda
My little advice is to stay away from him, and when youŕ kids are at a legal age u can tell them what happened with their dad, forgive him and move on with your life and I know it’s wont be easy but for your inner peace and the children give it a try. PUT GOD FIRST IN ALL THE DECISONS AND PRAY FOR WISDOM TO GUIDE U ALONG THIS PATH.
Judy Agbeli
thanks so much sis
MA
This is a test of love. I agree you are in pain but this is the father of your children.
Stand with him. He needs spiritual help too because he is under some evil influence. He is possessed. Seek spiritual help for him … Now that he is been arrested his mind will be subtle
Judy Agbeli
but how will you live with the thought that your husband is a rapist. i dont want to even understand the pain. but yes we need to pray
Anita Addae
Hmmm file for divorce quick
Judy Agbeli
fast
Kwame
He Has given you the legal and spiritual rights to leave him. Leave him or not there will be consequences. Choose the consequence you can live with. What is money, vacations and gifts without peace of mind and trust?
Judy Agbeli
well said. what is vacation & gifts without peace of mind
Joyce
Hmm.Its a difficult decision to make. Take it to God in prayer and ask him for directions sincerely. Remember we all have our weaknesses. If this has been passed on from his father to him,then it has become a curse and may affect your own children hence must be broken. It doesn’t matter how your own relationship is with God.He is always there calling us to comeback to him. Go back to him and he will welcome you and see you through these challenging moments. There is nothing that God cannot do,he is always faithful and will surely come through for you.Open up to him and you will marvel at the outcome. May the Holy spirit strengthen you.
Judy Agbeli
thanks so much for the submission
Valentine Sena
You’re going to leave him now when he needs you the most?
Judy Agbeli
when he was enjoying the ladies alone…….u think she shd stay and go throught the struggle??
Francisca Mensah
Please divorce him jare,
Judy Agbeli
simple and fast
Edmond
i think the lesson one ought to learn is no matter how rich your husband is the woman still needs to work if not necessarily to support in times like this where the man can not have any access to his wealth. if the woman even have to file a divorce the upkeep of the kids should not be the burden of the extended family. divorce is optional but after whats next ….for letting the kids to know the truth is a must
Judy Agbeli
it will not be easy. I always think kids should be shielded but in this social media world, they will even find out at one point in time.
Kojo Gbalaa
Well, it is our responsibility to protect our kids at all times even from our own bad actions. Since your husband picked up such “illness” you have to worry about your kids finding a way to legitimize same at least mentally and continue this deranged passed down trend. Divorce is not an option but it doesn’t mean an end to being supportive. You have to divorce him to protect your kids, start a business to cater for yourself and the kids and help your now, ex-husband maneuver his legal challenges on grounds on mental health disorders. Our criminal laws recognize that offenders suffering from such disorders need help and not punishment so he may end up in a mental institution for rehabilitation. Yes, your kids have to know their dad was sick and is receiving treatment to learn how to treat women – all women – well.
Judy Agbeli
thanks.
Ebenezer Odoi
I do not think it’s time to think about leaving him yet. You should focus resources into getting him a good lawyer at least for the sake of your children. He may be spending quite some time in prison so it will give you some time to properly analyze the situation and do what’s best for you and your kids. For now, give him all the support you can.
Best of luck.
Judy Agbeli
knowing what she knows, how will she be with such a man after?