The next day I was arranged to go back to prison. I begged the nurses, doctors and the prison officers to just allow me visit my baby for the last time but they all told me this was a good thing and I should thank God they are going to take care of the baby. The doctor told me they did a DNA test for confirmation and indeed is their grandson so I shouldn’t worry, as if I didn’t know?.

I couldn’t hold back my tears at this point. What at all have i gotten myself into. I don’t deserve this. What wrong have I done to Paul’s parents. At least they should allow me breastfeed my child for 6 months but hell NO. Here I was being taken back to my cell for doing what wrong exactly, loving their son or getting pregnant???

At this point I had to shut myself down because it was too hard to deal with. Where is my baby? I just had a baby, my breast are still leaking, am lactating but no baby. The pain…….I had to forcefully massage my breast for the milk to come out to ease the pain every day.

You know, I cried for about a week, and then after that I had to go on about my business like I never had him because it was too much for me at this point. There need to be people teaching you how to cope. How to cope when they come and take your baby away? Because a lot of the women in here, they end up turning to drugs in prison. And drugs are readily available in prison. So here I was, in pain both mentally and physically and the only thing I could turn to was drug to take my mind off everything I have been through.

No matter how much I took, I just couldn’t have enough. I just couldn’t forget Jnr or Paul or the pain. So one evening I bribed the police men and gathered enough drugs. I took all in an attempt to pass out …….forget everything forever.

A very familiar and beautiful fragrance hit my nose. I could hear the beautiful Hymes and angelic voices. How the fuck did I make it into heaven with all the fornication, and bad deeds, I murmured as if I didn’t want the angels to hear my horrible comment……….And there was Paul, in white, beaming with smiles….. “Hey babe, it’s almost time. We gotta go”. My eyes shot wide open. Paul is in heaven too? I sprung up unto my feet and my horror, disbelief and absolute relief I was in my room, and here was Paul right in front of me looking hot as usual.
“What happened Paul? What!! I looked around and it hit me like a speeding truck. It was a fucking dream……?. The sigh I let out lasted like 30 seconds. I was so relieved. What a fucked up and horrifying dream that was. I run after Paul and hugged Him so tight while crying, “I love you so much. You mean the world to me Paul.

Tisha has hugged me many times but I’ve never felt so much emotion in any of her hugs. It was as if I died and came back to life. It was strange how she hugged me but I loved it. It felt like our hearts have intertwined . I took a long sniff of her beautiful hair and hugged her back very tight.

I gathered my thoughts back quickly and pushed Paul away lightly. I wiped my tears and moved away to get ready to have dinner with Paul and his parents. I didn’t want to but I’d do anything for Paul. Just then I saw Paul waving “the vibrator” at me with an evil smile on his face. “Supriiiiiise”, he sang. Flashbacks from the dream started rushing back into my subconscious. I was having a vivid deja vu. Was that dream actually a vision about how my actions tonight might cost us our life and so much pain ahead? Should I even go for this dinner? Should I put on that vibrator? This would mean saying no to Paul? And what would be my reason, a dream? I felt my stomach twist and turn, I have been warned but I still decided to go ahead. I took the vibrator as I watched the evening unfold as I saw in the dream…..