Part IV: Unsinful Pleasure (18+) – Finish me off
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AFTER THE CONFESSION
I spent the whole day looking out the window and soaking myself in alcohol for what was going to happen. The thought of my parents getting to know what I have done, the thought of Taniel, our daughter getting to know, was enough to drag me to hell. I couldn’t take it and wondered why I confessed in the first place but deep down I knew I had done the right thing and there was no going back.
“Every inch of me is madly in-love with you. Every breath spells your name. You are my moonlit nights. And the shining days. My love for you is ethereal. And I have no way to express it. I will never find another lover like you. I am lost everywhere, in the plethora of memories. And I have no sense of where I am. My breathing is hard and my heart is restless. And even in my restless heart, the only image that dwells is you. Forgive me and come back home and I promise never to repeat this mistake again ………..let’s talk this out please”. I love you…………
Even the text didn’t get a response. I knew my loving husband wasn’t going to forgive me that easily or at all at this point.
I woke up with my husband standing over me with a knife. “I will kill you” he said. “I gave you everything and still stayed faithful but here you are. What at all do you women want”. I tried moving but he was too strong and was pressing me down. “Is he better than me in bed?? Did he fuck you well to the extent that you desired him so much you kept going back?”. I couldn’t open my mouth as he was choking me to death at this point. ……. I told myself I deserve this and relaxed myself into his arms ready for whatever is to happen. He raised the knife to stab me. The knife pierced through my heart. All I could do now is surrender my soul to the Lord. When he raised the knife again………I jumped up off the bed, only to realize, to realize it was all a nightmare………hwew!!! That was close. .
But sitting at the far end of the room was my husband just staring at me like he caused the nightmare, like he was about to make the nightmare a reality…… I rushed and tried to hug him but he didn’t react. “Why will you do this to us. You have broken every piece of trust I had for you. Since when did you get this impatient? I’ve made you the center of my world and tried my best for the family, God knows I tried, but it seems it has never been enough”, Killian quavered bitterly.
It felt like he spat out molten magma with every word he uttered. His words were so jarring, it almost felt like a judge reading out my life sentence. Well what could I say? I sentenced myself by snitching on myself? I played out all the possible scenarios in my head;
Scenario i: Killian forgives me, we are standing by the window and sharing a glass of wine trying to catch up and boom! He pushes me out the window and my brains spill out and decorate the walkway.
Scenario ii: He forgives me, prepares me a nice meal with acid as toppings. I eat it, I feel the pain, my insides start melting and he holds me tight and watches me with tears in his eyes as I die slowly. I’m not saying my husband is murderer, but if he decided to kill me, I will understand, I’m a total mess, but I also know I deserve forgiveness, after all I confessed.
Others will be, he fucking my brains out and making me know he is the man or simply put, ignore me till I leave. But do I regret fucking Roy? Would I do it again? Do I desire him at this moment, cuddling and kissing me all over, making me feel am a sex goddess……hmmm … that’s a question for the gods. The future can not be predicted, one can only try.
The next few days were mainly about me trying my best to prove to my husband that I was remorseful enough and apologizing to him at the least opportunity. I wanted his forgiveness, and I was open to doing anything to get it from him. But he stayed quiet, withdrawn…… He didn’t touch me or even sit to talk to me about his day like we used to.
The days flew by so quickly yet slowly, ………I was back home before I realized. After he dropped me at the airport without our usual kisses and all, I knew we could be done for. The entire flight was stressful as I kept recounting the events that happened………………. why did I confess!! We are ruined because of me I couldn’t keep this little secret to myself.
Roy was waiting for me at the airport when I arrived. How he got to know my arrival date and time, I had no idea and I didn’t want to know either. As usual he was his sweet self. I needed someone to hug and a shoulder to cry on. I needed him desperately at that exact moment. But in all things my family comes first. If I have confessed then let me work on myself. I realized I have lived my past few months depending on these men to make me happy. What about concentrating on myself (self love) how about reflecting on my life and making it better devoid of all these. I just couldn’t bring myself to think it when he suggested giving me a massage after a stressful trip, I declined. He kept asking if I was okey through out the drive to my house. All I wanted to be be alone.
MONTHS AFTER MY RETURN
I avoided Roy as much as possible. We had dinner once after work but I complained of headache after so he had to drop me off. Killian will occasionally call to check on myself and Taniel. He became very reserved but I was willing to give him time to heal. Enough time to decide. As the saying goes, “time heals all wounds”, and eventhough I disagree I wanted something to believe in, something to hold on to. My parents were supportive, as they assumed it was normal marital crisis.
Funny thing is I found out I was pregnant 3 month after my return. The challenge was, I had made love to Roy a day before my husband unknown to any of them so I was unwilling to inform any about this situation I had found myself in. The dilemma was overbearing. I had deep feelings for Roy and wouldn’t want to deprive him of the happiness a child can give a first-time parent, if the baby I’m carrying belongs to him. Again, the pain Killian would go through knowing that I’m carrying another man’s child can send him to his early grave. And then there’s me, not wanting to face society, family and friends after it all comes out that I cheated on my husband and got pregnant for another man. The shame, judgement and guilt were slowly choking me to death.
A pregnancy isn’t something you can hide, obviously Killian found out about the pregnancy and booked a flight back home but his reaction to it very cold and indifferent, nothing seemed to have changed. Throughout the pregnancy he hardly said a word to me and would smugly pass heartbreaking comments like I should call my fuck buddy to come and give me belly rubs and feet massages and other unpalatable comments. He would however help whenever he thought I was in pain. He will drive me for antenatal but will not stay. He avoided sharing the same space with me as much as possible. I took all of this in without complaint because I felt that I brought it upon myself but as stated earlier I wanted to spend time with myself and learn to be alone. Also I knew I had been a good girl and needed to be forgiven. The 9 months of the pregnancy was the worst, lowest and mentally challenging period of my life but I found joy in the fact that I had grown to love myself, I had grown not to care what Killian though of me and was ready for whatever decision or plans he had for me and the family.
Roy had informed me about a business deal he had to close which was going to take not less than 5 months for him to be back in the country. Enough time to have my baby and decide on what next to do, either inform him or keep it away from him, should it be his.
MY BLESSING
The evening of my labor, Killian took me to the hospital and stayed throughout. He was madly in-love with me and his eyes said it all. For the first time in months, he was there. He was the man I married. Held my hand tight during child birth. I took the opportunity to tell him how much I had been longing for him, how much I loved him and how sorry I was for everything. He also apologized for everything. It was a heart touching moment. A story I believed all the nurses present will never forget.
Few weeks after delivery, I visited the city mall to get some baby stuff while getting some air as advised by my husband, Killian. I stayed at home most of the time and was starting to feel claustrophobic. While inspecting my aisle to see if I could find the stuff I needed, I heard a family from the other aisle chatting excitedly and sounding all loving. I couldn’t help but smile to myself quietly as it brought memories of my family but also a voice sounded familiar. I moved to the end of the aisle to check, I looked up and……WTF!! Roy!! I screamed in my head with a sheepish smile on my face. The scene was awkward, I hissed “oh hey Roy” is been a while. He fumbled to find the words to say much. I didn’t wait around as I kept moving after. At the payment compartment, I happened to be right behind the woman I saw with Roy. She turned and saw me, “hi…erm…Roy’s friend?”, she beamed with smiles. I returned the greeting and tried to quickly diffuse the tension and fight the urge to ask the woman questions. “I am Tisha, Roy’s Wife. Glad to meet you. Since being back for close to 8 months with the kids Roy has never introduced me to any of his friends”. At this point I had all the information I needed. So, Roy didn’t travel for any business deal trip. He was keeping the family away from me. That is a good one. I smiled and mentioned my name to her. I informed her we were old school mates and hardly saw each other. She asked for my contact so we could hang out and I offered knowing very well I will decline any friendship or closeness to her and her family.
On my way out of the mall, I met Roy and his family again. I stood before them with a smile on my face, gave Roy a hard-long stare and told him, “thanks for the memories, beautiful family you’ve got there”.
At this point I decided to pay full attention to making my marriage the paradise it was meant to be. I was married to a god, a man who was ready to do anything and everything for me. A man who didn’t allow me lack anything….
THE LESSON BEHIND THE STORY
It is a sad fact that unfortunately some partners cheat, sometimes for valid reasons, though it doesn’t make it right and sometimes for no reason at all. Many people are simply unable to forgive and move on but until a person has been in that situation they will never really know what they will do. When a partner cheats it is devastating and really feels like the end of the world but in time the feelings change and the pain lessens. Recovering from an affair is hugely challenging but when there are children involved the desire to keep the family together encourages a lot of people to try and make things work. I never expected this to happen to me, to be the one to cheat in my marriage.
I am a changed person since the affair and a much better mother. I believe my mistake has taught me some huge lessons and really believe this mistake won’t happen again. OUR RELATIONSHIP IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND I FEEL COMMUNICATION IS FAR BETTER. The road is hard for us at times due to Roy’s inability to let go, even after getting to know he is married with 3 kids but it has also made me realize how much my family means to me.
It is very easy to judge people who stay with a partner who has cheated and I think they are often thought of as weak and naive. I also see myself as being stronger to resist temptation now. We now have 2 handsome, happy little twin boys who I love more than anything and I am proud of the fact I chose to keep us, he also chose to keep us. I am also glad Killian forgave me and we are all together as a happy family.
Sometimes it is impossible for people to move past the betrayal and I have huge admiration for those people who choose to walk away, it takes real guts to start over but for some the hurt is too great. I wish anyone who has suffered this kind of hurt all the very best with whichever decision they make. And hope they go on to find the happiness we all deserve.
THE END
Hope you enjoyed the story and its Lessons. As always this is just a made up story. She is not me and I am not her. Please let me know what you think. Leave a comment below and check out my other stories when you get a chance.
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