A friend sent me an audio which inspired me to do this write up. Fortunately same day another friend discussed “solid foundations in marriage” so I knew I had to do this.

Let’s start with the myths of marriage.

This happens to all of us at one point. We tend to think because we married in church or we married a God fearing man, a strong Christian, things will be smooth, everything will be all right. Because the wife is a prayer warrior, so there will be no issues or misunderstanding. That because you two have known each other for years, nothing can shake you two, It will be a happily ever after……………These are all myths.

Everything about marriage is practical and a reality.


Before you get married, you have to think deep,

  1. What do you do, when the unexpected happens?
  2. When there is a situation of infidelity.
  3. When the strong man that you thought can do no wrong, the pillar of faith in the house, suddenly falls “in lust” with another.
  4. What do you do when a child who doesn’t belong to you is brought to the house?

My uncle only asked me one question when we went to inform him about our pending engagement, He asked, “my dear, what will you do if after years of toiling and building your marriage, your husband brings a child home”. Yes that will be so painful. But at that point we were so in love so I answered, “once he is remorseful and apologizes for his wrong, I will forgive him and accept the child as my own”.

Yes hhmmmmmm. I doubt I will give the same answer as fast as I did then.

  1. What do you do when your husband loses his job and can’t get another. “for richer, for poorer”.
  2. What do you do when the woman you love and cherish, the one you call wife now becomes a knife by your side? A torn in the flesh, always criticizing and nagging.
  3. What do you do when the husband you married is suddenly hit by a sickness, and is bed ridden? Do you hold on because you made a vow, “in sickness or in health”.
  4. What do you do when after years of marriage, with your husband being the only child of his parents, the wife is not able to bare fruits?
  5. What do you do when the beautiful woman you married, is faced with a life threatening ailment which destroys her entire body
  6. What do you do when your spouse gets involved in an accident, life threatening accident?
  7. What do you do when the man you married and have loved all your life decides to be so cold, pushes you aside and makes all other things a priority in his life other than you? Do you still hold on tight to your vows,” till death do us apart”.
  8. What do you do as a woman when your husband goes through his mid-life crises, erectile dysfunction or just decides not to touch you because he finds you unattractive?

Now the world is turning into something else. Lesbians, gays, transgender, cross dresser etc is on the increase.

  1. What do you do when you child wakes up and tells you he is gay?
  2. What do you do if you come home to meet your husband in bed with another man or your wife with another woman. Same sex?

As a life and marriage coach, one of the things you don’t do is to look to the pulpit or look to somebody else’s marriage to mark yours.

Don’t look at the pastor. As a friend rightly said, teachers also fail exams. They also go through challenges, clean themselves up and come and preach. I believe we don’t have an idea what they go through. Therefore do not run to your pastors, prayer warriors or friends when issues come up

The first place is for you to go to GOD. It is said that except God builds, you labor in vain. Tap into your faith when you are faced with challenges not somebody else’s faith.

Turn to God, the only source of the marriage that will strengthen you. Many are depressed because they don’t know where or who to turn to.

Somewhere in Proverbs 24 says through skillful and Godly wisdom is a house built.

We need to pray for God to help us to be able to take pain and the difficulties when it happens suddenly. He should help us manage expectations and man up. Don’t continue to live in denial, that you two are perfect and can’t face challenges. The good thing about all this is, it will definitely come to an end, and it always comes to an end.

The only problem is how you manage between the crises and it coming to an end, that is what matters.

Let’s learn to go to God in prayers…………that should be our first solution point.

Secondly, if you have a support mechanism, go to your parents. Most of us have described our marriage to our parents in such a way that we are shy to tell them the marriage is going through crises. We are shy to go to the very people that can encourage and make things better. If your parents are alive, that is where you should go to because that is where you left from. Family will never forsake you in trying times……….Family, just note that sometimes good friends become family too.

We all need support mechanisms, people to talk to. Why choose friends, when your family or parents can do better.

Thirdly, confront the problem. Suffer through it and you will be surprised how quickly and stronger you come out. Don’t live in denial.

Learn to take the pain, making every experience educational.

Should you be able to go through all this together, the marriage will become stronger than ever

Most at times we tend to concentrate on what people will say, what people will think about your marriage, but it will only be for a short while. Nothing lasts forever. Pray, take advice from your support mechanism, don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t be too hard on each other.

Remember the good times. That is what memories are for, memories don’t just leave us. Remember your dating days, remember your honeymoon, and remember when all was great and what made you choose your partner as your spouse. Those will definitively lift you up and keep smiles on your face

That is how you manage the unexpected,

Don’t write your partner off just because they are doing all the wrong things.

Manage the situation and pray and God will definitely make a way where there seem to be no way.


I wrote this 5 years ago and just thought it wise to share again. Enjoy, like, comment, share and follow.